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crash_poet
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Name: Bippity, boppity, boop
Birthday: 3/4/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: movies, late night talks, Brownie, chocolate chip ice cream, music- alternative, bhangra, italian...lots, deep thinkin', goofin' off, hot cocoa, hangin' with little kids, late night parties...supervised of course
Expertise: I am too cool to tell you my expertise...
that or just don't have any.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  offset34
Member Since:
8/4/2004
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| So, here I am, writing on my blog because I don't know where else to properly express myself. I'm currently hating my job. I wish I had chosen another school or district. I feel like my asst. principal hates my guts and is constantly looking for faults in my room. All the negative coming from her and my principal is just making me feel depressed, upset, and like I should just quit. Even the kids are making me more and more upset. Their behavior and cooperation is one factor towards me getting in trouble. So, what's the point? The administration's just going to give me a bad reference, so I might as well figure out what I'm going to do next. I hate wasting time and the fact that I wasted a year at this school is sad. Hmmmm...what to do next...definitely something that involves less constant pressure and where I could leave my work at work and not drag it home.
Well, that didn't help much. I just want the year to be done. Today was the writing benchmark and of course my kids didn't do too well, but i hope they did better than wherever they were before. Even though I know the other classes didn't do much better, I'll still get in trouble. That's how this system keeps on working. I'm tired of this whole schpeel. On the bright side, I only have a week and a half left till winter break. I am totally going to need to recuperate before starting back again in February.
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| I'm here. I haven't written anything in a long time, but of course I'll say it's because I'm so busy.
This semester has been insane. My 4th graders are different than the kids from last semester. I love a ton of them, and some of them I have a weird relationship with, because I'm not that close to them. I did my Total Teach for two weeks and it ended last Friday. I went to the big UT job fair and that went well in the sense that I had one interview, and the lady interviewing me adored me. But now it's after all that, and with every up there is a down. I'm here, still jobless...wanting time off from teaching. I interviewed with this team from Katy ISD. They seemed excited and we had tons to talk about. I emailed a thank you on Monday and finally heard back today. Rejected. Well well well. Now I have another interview on Monday and this lady sounds less excited on the phone. I have another principal trying to schedule an interview. I called her back telling when I'm free and she hasn't called back. I think this whole process would be easier if I was in Houston. No running back and forth driving like a crazy person.
I'm going to wrap up reading and writing and try to be done with everything by next Wednesday. That way I can study for Chemistry... that stupid class I still need to pass in order to graduate. I'm pretty sure i have a C right now. I just have no motivation for that class and I'm already exhausted by the school day bleh.
Well, on the plus side, I'm graduating (pending chemistry) in 22 days! I just need the summer to be here and to have a job contract. That's all I'm asking for, and yes, I know it's a lot to ask for. I just don't want the stress and pressure anymore :-/ | | |
| I just got home. Another semester ends and I'm sad once again. Last semester I loved my kindergartners because I could see so much potential in so many little children and they were very cute and precious. This semester was....so different and so much better. I love my 5th graders. I really wish I could have stayed for my kids again next semester, to see them grow and learn more and help them reach new heights. I love my 5th graders..but I've been telling myself for the past 2 weeks that it'll all be good and fine and I won't really miss them all that much. Today was "Ms. Ahmed's last day-goodbye party". I went in for lunch and recess. I brought cookies and goody bags and a present for Linda, my CT. I went in thinking that these 5th graders will be fine with me leaving, and so would I. Boy was I wrong. Some of them had brought food- donuts, chips, cookies. Right when they saw me they came up and gave me big hugs, we even had a huge group hug, which had to end quickly because they were supposed to be doing math before lunch. Chyna and Taylor tell me their going to have me live in the room where I can live off the food they've brought. I know they're just joking. Talking to do them about their Thanksgiving and just hearing their thoughts and opinions and stories make me not want to leave. We took a class picture and the kids all huddled around and I felt loved. We took a silly version too....I need to remind myself to get those pics from Linda. I opened the present Linda opened (of course the class assisted with a loud drum roll) and loved the professional book and journal and awesome (and touching) bookmark she gave me. It was very thoughtful of her. We went out to play and it was great being surrounded with so much energy and happiness...heightened by the refreshing weather outside. We went in for our final goodbye before a continuation of math. Linda opened her present and I think she liked it...her favorite kind of tea, some pretty school-themed glass ornaments, and delicious truffles, topped with a card I wrote thanking her for letting me into her classroom. Final hugs, final remarks from the kids making me promise to come visit and see their Romeo and Juliet and graduation. I said yes, of course I'll come (I hope I keep the promise, but I have no real idea what will be happening in the next few months).
To end it all they hand me a beautiful card filled with letters from the whole class. Some surprise me, others make me tear up, and others make me smile. I'm glad I was with them this semester. Sad, but happy. Soon it'll be time to get to know another handful of students, 4th graders this time.
Another semester winds down leading me to think about the last one approaching. Only one left.
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| It is officially past the middle of the semester. I have purposefully avoided this blog. To say the least, I've been going through a rough patch. For the past month or two I've been at an all time low in self-esteem, which is so atypical for me. If there has been one thing in my life I've always wanted to do it's teaching. I interned in kindergarten last semester, then worked with 1st-2nd graders this summer and now I've leaped over to 5th grade. For awhile I thought I was going nowhere with a CT who wasn't fitting me at all. I should tell you about her. Linda is a great teacher in many ways, and of course there a few things I don't like, but there are many things I do like. She is a bit messy, but I don't mind, I'm flexible. Also, she tends to be so busy she fogets that I need to do lessons and we never have time to plan for them so I can't do my plan until the last minute. The good: She is great at motivating students and she has the best intentions. Also, she always tries to help her students as much as possible, even if it means she has to give up her evenings to stay late tutoring.
What I've been depressed about is my effectiveness as a teacher, BUT luckily I had my mid-semester meeting the other day with my facilitator Katie. She is so terrific and encouraging and it was exactly what I needed. I was definitely on the verge of tears a few times during that meeting, but I held my emotions together and listened and tried my best to grow as a person from the advice they gave me. One of my goals is to notice my strengths more, because I would never think of those (because the only ones I know are patience and listening) so I'd focus my attention on areas for improvement, which I thought of too many. Anyways, now I have a ton of strengths to think about and I feel like I'm on the right path again.
The only concern I have now is where I'll be in the next few months. My CT is very centered on TAKS (one thing I don't want to focus all of my attention on as a teacher) and she's unsure how to keep me in her room next semester. I really want to stay because I love love the kids. They are great and amazing and such good kids. I've learned so much from them and they always make me happy to be there. Some of them have had scary lives, and some have had lives much different than mine (farms for examples) and then some I feel like I probably would have been best friends with if they had been in 5th grade with me. The dynamics are so different in the room and I see so many of them are stuck on emotions that they are trying to explore (like sadness and anger from parental divorce for one of my girls). I want to work with them and grow with them and see them succeed all the way to the end and te fact that they keep asking me when my last day is, I can never give them a straight answer because I don't know. I finally talked to Bonnie about it today and she said she's going to talk to her asap. If I don't stay at Galindo next semester I might be in Jollyville (faaar) or another school in Austin the Bonnie's been talking to. Bonnie kinda scared me today by telling me that Linda had worked with one student before who absolutely hated her. She explained that student was super anal-organized so Linda was a bad match....then I wondered if Bonnie ever considered if I was organized when pairing me with Linda or just matched me with her. Either way, it doesn't matter because I'm not that concerned with Linda's structure because I know she does whatever works best for her.
So, I feel better now. I also have a Reading buddy that's part of the reading requirement of the pds. He's a pretty cool kid. He doesn't show his emotions a lot except for content and sleepy, but he's so easygoing and I show lots of emotion to compensate. I was stressed for a long time because I thought I wasn't going to be able to help him with his reading (especially after finding out he failed his TAKS benchmark earlier this year) but I've been seeing some great improvements lately. He's been reading with expression now and he is starting to comprehend more and started doing more readerly behaviors. I wonder who he worked with last year, because he only did one reading performance and I'm glad I've had him do two already because his confidence has risen already. He makes me proud indeed. He's got a long way to go, but I think he's getting better by the day :)
Finally (this post is long because so much has happened!) for one class we have children's books reading clubs and my book is The Tale of Desperaux and I must say: fantastic! I've read DiCamillo's other book, Because of Winn Dixie, and that one was a bore. Desperaux is so different and so well articulated. The themes, the style of writing, the word choice are all amazing. I'm so glad to be reading it and I highly recommend it to all. I also bought a bunch of books for my classroom library a week ago so now I'm up to about 20 books, which is like a fifth of the number my CT has. I think for my birthday and graduation I'm going to ask for kids books and professional books and materials (since all of that can be expensive). And maybe a gift card for a clothing store that would have lots of goo teacher clothes, which I feel I'm lacking.
Okay I've got a lot of reading and hw ahead of me. Life outside of school consists of work. People try to get me to do other thing, but I really have no room. It's such a busy semester oof!
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| Summer has begun and a month has already gone by (wooow). It's been rather busy honestly, what with work and classes. I have three classes I'm taking this summer, english, history II and chemistry. I wanted to take a fun English class, but at HCC engl 1302 is required first, which is an optional rhetoric class at ut. So I have been spending this month writing persuasive papers. My professor is Albanian so she brings a lot of different insight into the class. I think she thinks American youth are kind of dumb because whenever she asks a historical question about America and no one responds she always says, "This yor history, not mine, you should all know this." I've spent the whole class in the mindset that I merely need a C in the class, so no worries and though my grades were a little rocky at first (Bs and a few As) she gave me an A on my lastest paper with a "I really enjoyed reading your paper" comment, and an A on my midterm, yay! But this is the tough week I've got in front of me because it's the last one. I've got a re-quiz tomorrow (everyone did bad on it the first time because it was a pop-quiz). Then a final on Wednesday with a paper due on that day as well. And then a group project due on Thursday.
As if that weren't enough, I have a history project thing due tomorrow that I started doing today. Of course, I realized too late that I have the wrong textbook and that this project thing reuires more than one day of work. So we'll see how that goes.
Yesterday I went to Miller Outdoor Theater and saw the Houston Symphony perform several classical songs. It was lovely, especially with the sun setting. I love being outdoors listening to beautiful music under the night sky. My family and I started discussing just coming back there next week for their 4th of July concert and having a picnic there as well. We ate ate Which Wich on our way home and it was delish.
One of the best parts of this summer so far is my job. I love the kids I've been working with and the good practice they've been giving me. I still have a few questions about how to help with talking-back and kids who ignore your directions. I don't wanna be a teacher who threatens "keep that up and I'm gonna talk to your mom" because that sounds lame and ineffective. Otherwise I have been much more assertive. I still have to work on waiting for everyone to be quiet...I saw the lead teacher, Heather, do this and it was impressive....although she looked super stressed when she left. This is my last week working with Tam (she's leaving for summer school at UH) so I'm kinda nervous who I'll be working with for the next two months.
Now I need to get back ot my studying, even though I wish my summer wasn't revolving around school :-p I'm really not looking forward to Chemistry, and it's gonna be online, so yeah...even worse. Anything to graduate on time. Hopefully I'll get to hang out with some of my high school friends soon...I haven't really replied txt messages or called because I'm so preoccupied. Shiraz has been more than enough company for me honestly.
Until next time, toodleoo!
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